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Bar jokes

Country of origin: Various/unknown
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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. Shegestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When hearrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close tohers.

When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking hisface with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? - I need to speak to him." She says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."