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Language jokes

Country of origin: Various/unknown
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Politically correct science

Your protein has not denatured, it is now structurally ambivalent.

Your peptides have not degraded, they are entropically exuberant.

Your product has not precipitated in the column, it is elution reticent.

Your peptide has not aggregated, it is monomerically challenged.

Your resin is not compacting, it is being spatially frugal.

Your succrose solutions are not contaminated, they are biologically inviting.

Your computer has not crashed, it is merely introspective.

The wives of three presidents and a prime minister are talking together about what a penis is called in their native languages.

The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman because it stands up when women are entering.

The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.

The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain because it goes down after the act.

Well, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor because it goes from mouth to mouth.

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.


And zen ve vil take over ze vorld!!!